change everything

Today i woke up and i want to change everything, not just a few things in my life, everything. I have this desire to sell most of our stuff, pack the rest up and move somewhere exotic. Where there is lots of sun all year round and where I will wake up every morning beside the ocean, yes in my mind I am a obvious millionaire as well but this is the dream today. I also would like to be a children's author who is actually talented enough to write and illustrate her own books. I would love to work from home on my lap top and on the side I would share a photography business with my closest friend. I want more knowledge than my energy level seems to have time for. I want to drink homemade fresh squeezed orange juice every morning after i swim in the warm ocean beside my house, eat a banana and peanut butter sandwich for lunch everyday while I read Persuasion and have BBQ veggies on a pineapple chicken skewer every evening for dinner, I want to do yoga before i go to bed on my veranda beside the ocean and fall asleep peacefully for 8 hours. Now some of these things are possible, I can eat all those foods if i want and read the book and do yoga, but unfortunately the house on the beach isn't going to happen anytime soon, but in my head it is lovely. Today I want something different than I have ever had, i am not sure even what but something different, I want to make big changes and learn to let go of some things I am holding onto, i am trying to figure out if I am falling into the same routine as usual by doing what is expected of me and I am wondering why i choose to do it this way? Can I walk away from expectations and ever have peace within myself because I am making my own decisions. What does God really want from my life? I know I want to please Him more than anything. So today this is what I want to know, what should I change, what should I keep the same, what should I plan for my future and what to let go of.

i am having a teddy bear in the dumpster day, once upon a time Port Alberni had a lot of flooding going on and we lost a garage full of stuff, and in the midst of us cleaning out the garage my husband picked up this old ratty one armed bear and said it needed to go into the dumpster, then came the water works, here i am sobbing over the thought of this poor one armed bear laying in a heap of garbage at the dump, i thought it was the saddest thing ever( needless to say i was a little emotional that day)so i cried and he laughed his head off and hugged me.

It's just one of those days. Today is a day for silly tears and hugs.....